So, consumed with excitement about the Euros? Me neither. And we are absolutely right not to be because, frankly, England’s record at the European Championships is appalling. It’s easy (and fun) to mock England for consistently going out in the quarters of major tournaments during the Eriksson years but that was actually much better than they have traditionally performed over the years.
Don’t believe me? Well, you untrustworthy lot, here’s the complete record:
1960 - the first tournament and, in traditional style, England decided not to enter. Still, there would be plenty of competitions in the future for the home of football to show who was the best footballing nation in Europe, right?
1964 - deigned to enter but knocked out in the first round. Only 4 teams got to the tournament proper. Before that, there was a knock out competition. England went out 6-3 to France on aggregate. Altogether now: Ramsey out, why do we not produce enough world-class footballers, let’s be more continental in our approach etc, etc…
1968 - reached the finals in Italy (again, only 4 teams did so) but lost 1-0 to Yugoslavia. England would win the third place play-off 2-0. Other than 1966, this remains England’s best ever finish in a major international tournament.
1972 - qualification via group stages was introduced for the first time. England topped their group (containing Switzerland, Greece and Malta) before coming up again Germany in the pre-tournament quarter-finals. You can probably guess the outcome.
1976 - all in all, the 1970s were a bad decade for the England team. This time, they didn’t even get out of their qualifying group. Despite beating Czechoslovakia 3-0 in the opening game, the Czechs (and Slovaks) still managed to finish top. In fairness, Czechoslovakia went on to win the competition by beating those notorious penalty-chokers West Germany in the final.
1980 - the tournament increased to 8 teams meaning England, for only the second time, reached the finals. Not to worry though, mediocre failure was still an option and England were never going to pass that up. They finished third in their group of 4, allowing Ray Wilkins, Trevor Brooking et al could get away early for their holidays.
1984 - despite being in an ostensibly easy group of Denmark, Greece, Hungary and Luxembourg, England got back to their non-qualifying ways by finishing second to Denmark. It turned out though that this was entirely respectable as the Danish team proved itself to be one of the most exciting teams of the era, drawing comparison with the Dutch sides of the 1970s. When compared to such an outstanding team, it’s perhaps no surprise that the likes of Russell Osman, Ray Wilkins, John Gregory and Paul Mariner could not match Michael Laudrup, Preben Elkjaer and Morten Olsen. But at least England beat Luxemburg 9-0. That’ll learn ‘em.
1988 - England took the uncharacteristic step of qualifying for the tournament. Even more remarkably, they did so comfortably. Unfortunately (but entirely predictably) the press installed them amongst the favourites. For the sake of everyone’s sanity, England were quick to disabuse anyone of this notion by losing 1-0 to Ireland. In retrospect, thy probably never stood a chance in their next game against a Dutch team containing the likes of Marco van Basten, Ruud Gullit, Frank Rijkaard and Ronald Koeman; it was probably a good result keeping it to 3-1. In their final group game, they lost to eventual finalists the Soviet Union 3-1.
1992 - England edged past the Republic of Ireland and Poland in qualification, an achievement which allowed Graham Taylor to experience the full force of the media when things when spectacularly wrong at the finals in Sweden. England (not unexpectedly) failed to get out of the group stage. The problem is, when you are reliant on Tony Daley, Keith Curle, Andy Sinton and Carlton Palmer (amongst others), you tend to lose. Although Taylor’s notoriety mainly stems from substituting Gary Lineker in his last ever international, the truth is that England were pretty dreadful all tournament and, having drawn with Denmark and France in the first two games, lost to Sweden in the final match. In turn, it prompted the cruel, clever and funny headline: Swedes 2 Turnips 1.
1996 - altogether now “3 lions on a shirt, Jules Rimet still gleaming”. Back on home territory, Terry Venables put together a team that was as talented as it was up for a good time. After being lambasted in the press for their excesses in Hong-Kong before the tournament (and introducing the uninitiated to a dentist chair which could be fun), a thrilling England team showed they could play a bit as well, not least in the 4-1 destruction of Holland. It’s easy to forget now how Spain were the better team in the quarters as England (and Stuart Pearce in particular) went someway to burying the demons of the 1990 World Cup by knocking them out on penalties. Sadly, the demons were back in very short order as the Germans lived up to their Teutonic stereotype and were ruthlessly efficient in the penalty shoot-out.
2000 - it should have been so good. England finally got one over Germany by beating them 1-0. In the other group games, they were 2-0 and 2-1 up against Portugal and Romania respectively. Sadly, the problem with being managed by Kevin Keegan is that there is every chance that you will throw away a lead and sure enough each game was promptly lost 3-2. Still, this was the first tournament for many of the “golden generation” so watch out 2004, that’s ours for the taking…
2004 - … and it should’ve been. Forget 2002 and 2006, this for me was the high point of Sven’s reign. Sure, England lost 2-1 to France in the first game but they played really well. After that, and with Wayne Rooney providing an exhilarating introduction to international football, England stormed through the rest of the group beating Switzerland 3-0 and Croatia. Sadly, against home nation Portugal in the quarters, Rooney got injured and England had to turn to Darius Vassell. The same old story of losing on penalties reared its ugly head, leaving England (and every other team in the tournament) to wonder what might have been as Greece walked away as the winners.
2008 - well, at least we didn’t have to suffer the indignity of losing on penalties as they failed to qualify. Perhaps confused by the Dutch shpeaking Shteve McLaren, England lost their final qualifying match 3-2 at home to Croatia and that was it – we all got a relaxing summer off from the inevitable disappointment that would have come with qualifying.
2012 - winners. Definitely. Or maybe out in the group stage.